Who was that man?

This afternoon Amy and I walked from the Obolon church to the Dreamtown mall, where we needed to go to the store before continuing to Domino's for lunch.

We walked a path I had walked many times last year, past a small store, through a park, through a neighborhood.  Most of the time, I was watching the ground by my feet, so that I would not slip and fall on the ice.  At one point I looked ahead and saw a man carrying a rolled-up carpet, but did not stray my eyes to the left or to the right before looking back at the sidewalk.

A few moments later, Amy wondered aloud, "Why are they putting that plastic tarp over that man?"  Close to the picnic table--about 15 meters from us--there was an ambulance and three medics who were standing around or otherwise not rushing.  These people were covering up a man who had been sitting at the picnic table.  We could see his arm (and hand) hanging between the table and bench, along with his feet.  Fortunately, nothing else--like his face--was visible to us.

Other people were standing around, watching, and admittedly we stopped and stared for a few minutes.  I don't really know how to respond when I see a dead body (obviously, I shouldn't take a picture.  that's just creepy).  This wasn't something on TV--but something that was really happening before our very eyes.  We wondered the cause of death--quite probably the cold (at that point it was around 20*F, at 1:30pm) or alcohol, or both.

Then my mind began to wonder, who was this man?  What circumstances in his life had lead him to this point -- of freezing to death in a park, surrounded by many apartment buildings?  Was he a husband, a father, a son, a friend?  As I write these thoughts, I am watching the part of The Fellowship of the Ring where Gandalf falls into a great chasm.  The other members of the Fellowship mourn the loss, then must continue on their journey.  Who will be mourning the loss of this man tonight?  

We continued on our way, talking about what we had just witnessed.  Just around the next apartment building, on the next sidewalk, friends, couples, families were walking and enjoying the sunny day, ignorant of what had happened around the corner.  Very likely deaths from the cold or alcohol or both are common occurrences.  I don't want to forget this (since it was my first time seeing a dead body someplace other than a funeral, I probably won't), and don't want to brush it off as just another experience in Ukraine.

I almost wanted to say to these people, "Do you realize what is happening in your own neighborhood?  Do you realize that people are dying deaths that could have been prevented?"

The Church of the Nazarene runs drug/alcohol rehab centers to help those who are caught in addictions. Many of the participants first hear about the programs from their family or friends.  The CotN also provides humanitarian aid for people across the country.  Volunteers are taking in children as their own in order to stop destructive cycles.  Church members are building relationships with their neighbors, in order to share Christ's love and redemption with them.

I wish things could change overnight.  I wish we could be rid of these social ills that plague our communities.  I wish that I could be a bolder example and storyteller of Christ.  I wish that I wasn't so afraid of the unknown or my own inadequacies.

I wish that this contrast of "Christ is already victorious; there is hope for the world already" and "The world is not yet as it should be; redemption is not completed"* could simply be "Christ has come and conquered, and all is well with the world."

I wish that Christ's love (not fear/legalism) could be shouted from the rooftops.  I wish that people would believe that God is real, that only God can make us whole, that God restores creation to the way it should be.

Life in Kyiv, Ukraine is much more raw and gritty than you might think.

*In this time of Advent, we are looking towards Christ's birth at Christmas, and His second coming, even though He has already come and lived among us and triumphed over death.


**My iTunes is playing an ironic set of tunes -- "O Holy Night" then "My Jesus."

Finishing...

I want to be known as someone who finishes, and who finishes well.

For a simple example, I multi-task quite often, in an attempt to finish my tasks more quickly.  While working on my laundry (hanging it to dry or putting it away), I might listen to an audiobook or sermon podcast.  My internet browser frequently has tabs for Facebook, Gmail, and at least two other websites open at the same time, while Skype and iTunes are running in the background.  My roommate and I read "From Nyet to Da" to each other while preparing or cleaning after dinner.

Many times, I start reading 3 articles at the same time (to clarify, they are in 3 separate tabs).  I bounce between them, based on their length and reading level/depth of thought.  Within the past year, I have forced myself to FINISH one before starting another, in order to develop better self-discipline.

The following link is a video of a cross-country runner who struggled to finish her race because of severe leg pain.  Just before she reached the finish line, she collapsed on the ground.  So close!  BUT here's the amazing thing -- she pulled herself up and finished the race by crawling.  

She couldn't finish the race by simply laying there and wishing herself across the remaining 5 m.  Nor did she have the stamina to stand on her legs (by the time she stood up, she might as well have stepped over the finish line).  Yet she did the only thing possible at that moment -- crawl.  

http://news.yahoo.com/video/us-15749625/runner-crawls-across-the-finish-line-23309759

So many things in life I want to finish, and finish well.  First semester for this school year finishes in a couple weeks, and I have a lot of knowledge to pass along to my students.  I don't know if I will be here in Ukraine next year (I still need to make my decision), or if I will be back home in MD, or if I will be somewhere else in the US.  No matter what it takes, I want to finish things well and make sure things are complete.

A few weeks ago, while attempting to write my personal mission statement, I reread the following verse:

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil. 1:6, NIV)

I cannot carry ministries on to completion.  I cannot follow and guide all of my ministry students (Wolly quizzing or KCA students) through their high school years and daily challenge them in their walk with Christ.  I cannot finish the work here in Ukraine.

I cannot complete God's work in me, by my own power.  There's no way I can make myself whole, or ensure God-type success in the endeavors God leads my way.

But here's the amazing thing -- whatever it is that GOD has purposed for my life, the life He's given me, HE will complete.   What God starts, God finishes.  This isn't like my website-hopping -- God will stick with me, walking me through the good times and the bad, the crystal-clear times and the murky uncertain times.  Quite often, I muddle through life, trying to figure out the next step, but it's because I want to rely on what I know, what I think is best, what friends or books say, what's familiar or comfortable for me.

If only I could see the big picture of what God's intended for my life, and what the next step is...to find out how to begin...All I can do is simply crawl in the lap of Jesus and trust....this is a lesson that I am constantly relearning.....

Because I'll never hold the picture

Of the whole horizon in my view

Because I'll never rip the night in two

It makes me wonder

Who am I, Who am I, Who am I

And great are you

(Downhere, "Great are You")

November 2010 Update

Hello all!
Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! This past month has been chock-full of church activities and activities with friends over the Thanksgiving weekend.

Thanksgiving Celebration
About 40-50 Americans, Koreans, and Ukrainians gathered at Pine Branch Camp in Ivankiv to celebrate Thanksgiving together. We enjoyed the traditional US foods, including turkey and pumpkin pie, plus Korean kim-bop and other tasty treats. A few of us stayed overnight and enjoyed a bonfire and s’mores. One spectacular time was when I went outside, past the reaches of the camp lights, and looked up at the sky. There had to be a million stars overhead, and the Milky Way was visible! I stayed outside with the middle/high school students for a little while as we spotted constellations (Big Dipper, Pleiades, Scorpio, Cassiopeia). Other highlights included holding a 5-month-old Korean baby and having her fall asleep in my arms, playing Cranium with a handful of folks, walking through the village, worshipping together, and getting to know the KCA families/parents better.

My Ukraine Family

English Language Youth Group
On November 14, Kiev First Church held an English language youth group for our teens. We had a mixture of Ukrainians and Americans (and even one French kid!) participating! Included in the service were times of prayer, Scripture reading, a couple testimonies, the “Doctor’s Office” skit, a sermon and group discussions, and worship through music.

Worship team preparing

Sergei put me in charge of this – which I accepted as a form of “trial by fire” (similar to my experiences helping with teen quizzing in college) and learning as I went, since I had ZERO idea of what or how to do for the service. As an “innocent bystander”, I enjoyed the service, but as one who was in charge, I coordinated all the people and could see what needs to change for next time. My dissatisfaction as a leader came primarily from miscommunication—next time, there will be more than 2 copies of the order of worship so that I don’t have to directly coordinate each component, and I will verify that people understand exactly what I said.

English Lessons @ Obolon
Svetlana, my co-teacher, and I continue to meet periodically—once a month besides our actual lesson. Last night we met at the mall, and as we walked, we talked about ideas for this next lesson. Our key verses will be Luke 5:31-32 – “Jesus answered, "Healthy people don't need a doctor, but sick people do. I didn't come to invite good people to turn to God. I came to invite sinners."” To begin the lesson, Svetlana will pretend to be ill, and send one of the kids into the hall to find the doctor (me). Then we will explain to the students that our sins are like a sickness, and that Jesus is the doctor that can make us whole again. I really enjoyed meeting with Svetlana and planning this lesson, because now we are working together as a team, and can present a more unified lesson to the kids!

Vinnytsia Visit
Click here to read about my weekend trip to the city of Vinnytsia and the village of Selische, where I could see evidence of God's redemption and reconciliation in the lives of Ukrainians.

Cultural Tidbit
On many street corners here, you can find a babushka (grandmother) selling fresh produce, flowers, farm goods, clothes, or just about anything else! I like to stop by our local babushka (if I can call her that) and buy some apples, peppers, or other fruits, since it is more convenient than our grocery store. We’ve never really held a conversation beyond asking/telling prices, but a week or so ago, we said “hello” to each other as I passed!

Nazarene Youth Conference 2011 Opportunity
Next summer, I have the opportunity to travel to Louisville, KY to participate in the Nazarene Youth Conference, where thousands of high school students from USA/Canada will gather from July 5-10. I will be serving as a sponsor for the Missionary Kid District—this “district” comprises all MKs with an American passport, no matter where in the world their parents serve as missionaries. In order to attend this conference, I will need to pay about $800 for my lodging, food, and the conference cost (plus my travel to/from Kentucky) – and unfortunately, this cannot be withdrawn from my general KCA/Ukraine funds. If you are interested in supporting this special project, please send checks to my home address (PO Box 146, zip code 21628)—it will be greatly appreciated!

Praises
*God’s continuing redemptive work in the lives of Ukrainians and of people all around the world
*English youth group last month
*KCA students that make me smile :)

Prayer Requests
*My decision for the 2011-2012 school year
*Language study – at times I feel like I’ve hit a wall and cannot learn any more words or grammar rules!
*Traveling safety when my roommate and I (and others) visit the US for Christmas/New Year’s

Thanks again for all your support! Since I probably won’t send another update until after the 25th, Merry Christmas!!

In Christ,

Jessica

Vinnytsia Visit -- November 2010

On the Friday night after Thanksgiving, my roommate and I hopped on the train to visit the nearby (3 hours) city of Vinnytsia. Vinnytsia is a city of about 369,200, which is comparable to the population of Colorado Springs or St. Louis, Missouri, or half that of Boston (approximately).  Imagine living in Chicago, a large-populous-smelly-dirty city, for three months, then visiting a city like St. Louis, though I have never been there.  This is what it was like for us.  We went from the capital city of Kyiv to a city approximately seven and a half times SMALLER....and we enjoyed our trip!

The red dot is Vinnytsia, and the pink region is the Vinnytsia oblast.  Kyiv is located along the Dnieper river--look for the smallest sections on this map!

If you’ve ever heard any missionary stories about the work of the Church of the Nazarene in Ukraine, you probably have heard of Vinnytsia and Pastor Roma. The Vinnytsia church has planted many daughter churches within the local oblast (state/county area), as well as many drug/alcohol rehab centers. Pastor Roma, along with Vitalik (whom I will mention in a moment), are former addicts who have found new life in Christ.

We spent the weekend with Natasha T, a student at the local Teacher’s Training College, who gave us a tour of the city, translated for us, and helped us navigate public transport. On Saturday morning, while the weather was still somewhat nice, we walked past an Orthodox church AND a Catholic one, through a mall, and then arrived at Maidan Nezalezhnosti (Independence Square). Kiev also has a Maidan Nezalezhnosti, where the Orange Revolution occurred a few years ago, but this one consisted of a lovely park, water/clock tower, and a WWII memorial.  We also noted how nicer the city seemed--no rattletrap tramvai (streetcars), not many street dogs, not as much pollution, and not as much second-hand smoke!

Natasha and I at lunch on Sunday

In the afternoon, we traveled to the village of Selische, where we visited the House of James. Vitalik and his wife Natasha are house parents to 9 kids who were formerly street children or whose parents are unable to care for them. We played with the kids, got a tour of the house (my second or third, but Amy’s first), had lunch with the family, and then enjoyed conversation with Vitalik and Natasha. As a younger man living in Kiev, he was an alcoholic, and actually stole $1,000 from some former missionaries. Today, he is house father to nine, and pastor of the Selische Church of the Nazarene. What an amazing change Christ has made in the life of Vitalik in the past decade or so, and through Vitalik to the children in this house!

Vitalik, Natasha, roommate Amy, and I at HOJ

While in Selische, we also visited the men’s and women’s rehab centers. A few of the men had only been at the center for one or two months, but already they recognized that true, lasting change is only possible with Christ’s help—not a vaguely-described Higher Power. On Sunday at church in Vinnytsia, a handful of the church members shared how God has worked in their lives. A few of them were graduates of the rehab centers—they were very honest about this fact and did not try to hide their past struggles from their church family. How often do we hide our struggles from our church family, having selective amnesia about our struggles before we allowed Christ to triumph over the sin and darkness in our lives?

Read more about House of James 1 & 2 at http://houseofjames.org/.

Anticipated Reverse Culture Shock

The other night Amy and I rode back on the train from Vinnitsa.  She asked me about reverse culture shock (which is what happens when you re-enter your passport/home country after being abroad) and how it had affected me last year and in the summer.  We realized that though we have anticipated some of the more basic aspects of re-entry shock, we will not be able to anticipate all aspects, especially those that will throw us for a loop.

Here is how I described reverse culture shock 2 years ago.  "Familiar" refers to the home culture, and "unfamiliar" refers to the culture abroad.

(version 1) When you miss the familiarity of the unfamiliar, and the familiar is suddenly unfamiliar.

(version 2) When you switch from the familiarity of the unfamiliar, and the unfamiliarity is what "should" be familiar.

Amy and I brainstormed a list of things that would be "strange" to us at Christmastime -- here is some of that list. 

*Understanding strangers talking on the bus or out in public
*Store clerks being friendly/making conversation, despite not knowing me
*Stores- large stores with huge selections and familiar brands
*No street dogs roaming around (thank goodness!)
*Having a car all to myself, driving through the countryside, in solitude
*Not needing a translator for church, having to operate in my third language instead of my first, or just plain not understanding
*Random people smiling and saying hi to me
*Fully comprehending food labels instead of recognizing the words, sounding out the name, or identifying food by its picture
*Snack flavors/types (in Ukraine, you can buy flavored croutons or chips that are flavored like crab or bacon)
*Common notebook paper in the US is lined 8.5"x11".  Here, students might use that (or half of a sheet), or they might use grid paper
*Life expectancy of fresh food (because the food here does not have as many preservatives, we have to make sure we don't leave food for too long
*Not as much second hand smoke while walking down the street
*No beer kiosks (or just kiosks in general) every block
*American fashion styles that are different from the Ukranian/European styles
*Not seeing/talking to my Ukraine family
No babushkas selling veggies, raw fish, or flowers on the street corners
*No squatty potties
*Bookstores that have a majority of their books in English! (and English is not considered a "foreign" language!)
*Being out of the loop when it comes to American pop culture (which is a good thing)
*Plowed streets/sidewalks
*Non-colorful currency and comp
*Position/placement of light switches
*Seeing friends and family often
*Racial diversity in the greater community
*Seeing the American flag, and the red/white/blue color scheme rather than yellow and blue
*Clear distinctions between commercial buildings and residential areas
*No underground mall/passageways/stores/crosswalks
*People giving me substantial personal space in public
*Flushing my toilet paper/a handle instead of button

Lessons learned from temporary motherhood

This week I have been staying with a family of 5 while their parents are out of the country.  My responsibilities have included reheating or preparing food, tucking the youngest boys into bed, making sure lunches are packed, homework is completed, entertaining the youngest boys, administering meds, and otherwise maintaining order and mediating.  The kids are 7, 11, 13, 17, and 19, so I only really need to keep tabs on the elementary school-age boys.

I watched this family last month, and it was definitely a learning experience!  I learned that for missionary families overseas, there is so much that goes into the process of raising their kids.  I consider myself to be a flexible person, and don't mind getting slightly lost/misguided as long as I have my atlas and can get back on track.  However, when you're with a 7-year old and an 11-year old, you have to plan your path, determining in advance where you will walk and which buses you will take (because they won't want to take the scenic route).  On top of all this, my preferred walking pace is at least twice that of a little kid, so I had to slow down.  For some families, their kids have special medical needs and require supplies that can either be found only in America or at high prices where they live (or perhaps both).

After the first weekend of watching just 3 of the kids, I was ready to get back to my own house, away from my students and away from any children that would ask me unending questions.  Back to a place where I was only responsible for myself.

Now, I am back with this family, and thought I'd share some of my thoughts with the blog-reading world!

When you are a parent, personal space and personal time cease to exist.  Each day I rode in the van with the kids, and would try to snatch moments of time when the kids were not asking something or otherwise requiring my attention (i.e., picking on each other, standing when they weren't supposed to, or asking for homework help).  In the evenings, after putting the boys to bed, I still stayed up for a while until the other kids went to bed around 10; one of my thoughts was, "Two kids are in bed--but there are still three more that are awake!"  Even in the middle of the night, when I am asleep, I don't necessarily have "personal time", as the 7 year old might come in, saying he had a bad dream.  At any given moment, something is required of me.  Therefore, any purely alone moments I have are precious (especially since I'm an introvert)!! (Does this mean that the space-time continuum ceases to continue?)

Growing up, I lived with a maximum of 4 others in the house--my grandparents, mom, and brother.  Right now, there are six of us in this house.  In the van, because there were more people than seatbelts (welcome to Ukraine), I often had kids squished next to me, and would choose a window seat for this very reason.  Yesterday morning, the 7 year old was using my lap as a place to keep his "I Spy" book open.

Parenthood, in my inexperienced view, makes you less selfish.  If not, then something is wrong.  Parenthood requires you to be responsible for meeting the basic needs (food, rest, medication, peace, affirmation) of other human beings other than yourself.

Food/Medication:  These are obvious enough.  Older kids can get their own food from the fridge, but younger kids need you to prepare/reheat it.  Some kids need medications, so it's important to administer this on a regular basis.

Affirmation: I've learned--this time through my own experience and not just through educational psychology--that kids need to be positively affirmed.  If they are constantly being told, "No, you are not allowed to do this" or "No, not right now" or "No, we're not going there today," they will be less likely to listen to your directions and otherwise respond to you.  This, of course, does not mean swinging to the other extreme and being indulgent--letting them do whatever they want when they want and not respecting your authority as an adult/parent.  Rather, showing positive attention to kids, allowing them to make a choice between two good options, affirming them when they make a good choice, and interacting with them and not ignoring them, will help them to feel affirmed and loved.

Peace:  We all face conflict in our lives, some caused by circumstances and some caused by others.  With little kids, this usually includes fights over toys, using computers, and the use of their time (doing things they may or may not want to do).  I've done a lot of mediating and collaborating this weekend, mostly between the kids when they argue or when the kids have to do homework.

A lot goes into raising a family, especially when there are five of them and one of them has special medical needs!  Parenting--or, faux-parenting for right now--will make me less selfish, a process that I know will begin (in-depth, 24/7) anyway when I am in a marriage relationship.  All I know is that I need to be fully dependent on Christ and walking closely with Him if I expect to show a Christlike example to kids.

Google Voice: Useful Tool While Abroad

This summer, I discovered Google Voice, which is turning out to be more beneficial than I'd first thought.  Here in Ukraine, I have figured out how to use Google Voice (sometimes in combination with my Skype account).

Originally, I used Google Voice in the US so that one of my friends could call a number (local for them) that would forward the calls to my cell phone.  I had set up two different numbers (with two different email accounts), and one of them was with a Maryland area code for my "experiment."

In the States, this is how Google Voice works, and there is a centralized voicemail for all your phones.

Friend --> GV number as intermediate number --> Your phone (cell, home, work, or all of them) rings

While in the US, I have a Verizon phone with a monthly contract.  This contract is put on hold while I am in Ukraine, so I don't pay for a phone I'm not using (so a two-year contract turns into three years).  I have used my home phone number as a contact while in Ukraine, but my mom is cancelling that number since we all have cell phones.

If I want to contact anyone in the US from Ukraine, I use Skype if they are a Skype user or if I am calling a 1-800 number.  Sometimes I use Skype to call phones (for the whole conversation or to have them call me on Skype), but this costs about 2 cents a minute, so I usually use it for calling internationally during the summer. 


Here is where Google Voice comes into play! If there is no answer on any of the phones, Google Voice records and transcribes your voice messages and notifies you by email (which can be VERY entertaining sometimes).  My family (or others I am trying to contact) can leave me voicemails, which worked out VERY well in the spring of 2011 while I scheduled services at churches. You can also send a free SMS to any US phone.  Now, I can use my Google Voice number as my "home" number so that those in America can contact me! It's long-distance for my family, but at least it's not an international phone call. 

Unfortunately, Google Voice does not have local numbers for all areas, nor can it forward calls to international phones (that would be AMAZING, though).  For now, Google Voice is still rather practical and now I do not have to use my "Hotspot Shield" while in Ukraine.

When you're a missionary, you've got to be thrifty and inventive with what you have.

(updated September 2011)